we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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