She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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