I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
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kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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