I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize