I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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