Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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