how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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