I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize