My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize