I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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