Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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