My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think my moral compass just broke
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize