she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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