I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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