I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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