I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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