I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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