She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We have started to decorate penises.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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