A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize