my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize