i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My feet surprised me
Never joke about your clitoris.
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