Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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