i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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