The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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