You can't special order awesome
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize