that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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