Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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