So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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