I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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