brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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