I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize