Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize