Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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