i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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