it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize