I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize