yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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