And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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