and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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