Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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