Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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