my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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