Someone shit on the floor
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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