I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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