watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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