since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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