I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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