I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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