I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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