Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize